


hardened.

by miloron (ocoa)



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Rainz (Korea Band)
Genre: Gen, and rainz, i just really love eunki, mentions of his dad’s dislike of him dancing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-28
Updated: 2018-01-28
Packaged: 2019-03-10 14:44:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13503708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ocoa/pseuds/miloron
Summary: sometimes eunki doesn’t want to be mature, and that’s ok.





	hardened.

for as long as eunki was alive, he had lived life unselfishly. maybe it was because his brother lived more open about his desires, and his parents always told him not to follow his brother’s whims and fancies, so he ended up closing in and showing only the good side.

he cut himself from what he wanted- until he started listening to music and thought to himself what felt like his first selfish thought, “i want to be an idol.”

and it’s selfish, because it’s impractical and unpredictable, and not everyone makes it, but somehow the draw of idol life became so strong that he started to learn dance in secret. his friends had invited him back then to learn with them, and it never hit him how fun it could be until he did it. he learnt all types of dance, but what stuck most to him was modern dance. the fluidity and freedom it gave to him, the only method he could express himself in beyond the square box he had built around his personality since he was young. he loved to dance, loved the world it opened him up to.

he was hooked.

his father found out of course, and his mother stayed quiet as he spat out curses about eunki’s favourite hobby, calling it feminine, a waste of time, and eunki wondered if that was all his father knew to do. he wondered if his father had dreams like his brother did, like he did, whether the society around him had quashed them like he was trying to do to eunki’s.

so eunki continued to dance. in secret his mother helped him, directing his father away from eunki, and out in the open his brother protected him.

“it’s what he wants to do dad!”

“So what? It won’t work as a job! He won’t get any money, there’s a chance that he won’t even debut!”

“he’s 21 years old dad, he can make his own decisions.”

the words hurt, because they were true. there’s a chance that he wouldn’t even get to shine, just another hopeful that is washed away. but he wants to dare, wants to do it, to see if he could make it.

so he pushes his way, forces his company to enter him into a competition. he doesn’t make it, doesn’t even make it to the finale.

and it hurts.

he’s smiling when his family comes down, and his mother envelops him in a hug. his brother pats him on the back and it takes everything not to cry.

his father’s there.

“i’m sorry dad,” eunki starts, “you were right, it looks like i’m not even meant for this-“

“why are you smiling?”

eunki’s head snaps up, and he sees grief in his father’s eyes.

“it’s okay to cry. you did well. i’m so proud of you.”

he bundles eunki into an embrace, and eunki starts to shake until he cries, pressing his eyes into his father’s shoulder, feeling careful hands stroke his scalp.

“i believe in you. it’s not you that has failed. try again, i know you can do it.”

and eunki tries.

it starts to hit him that maybe produce had helped him, because now he sees his name on people’s banners and people recognise him on the street.

and then he debuts and he comes so close.

“you alright?” he looks up to kiwon and smiles.

“yeah just overwhelmed.”

“it’s okay to be excited or i don’t know, scared, you know,” they look to sunghyuk and hyunmin who are practically vibrating backstage. “you don’t have to pretend to be calm.” kiwon smiled, “i’m a bit scared myself.”

eunki laughed, suddenly feeling the weight on his chest and the tightening of his throat ease. “thanks hyung.”

kiwon shrugged, before stiffening when the emcee calls their name.

“let’s go,” seongri grins, voice high pitched with restrained nerves, “it’s our time to shine now.”

eunki runs out onto stage and falls into position.

he’s scared, and so unbelievably happy, and it’s with this childish glee that he performs.

he’s so close-

“ _areumdaun my Juliette!_ ”

**Author's Note:**

> so i kind of lowkey based this off my life, and i wrote this in like ten minutes because i felt like posting something. 
> 
> i’ve always liked to write, and i won’t be delusional and say my fanfiction would get me noticed and i’d have a book published because i don’t want to write a book. but recently i told my parents that i want to be a screenwriter for television. and my mom has always told me that the media industry was a big no no. i managed to convince her, and if my exam results work out, maybe i’ll do a minor in film prod for uni. 
> 
> in any case, i really really love eunki. he’s such a sweet guy, and i honestly believe him and rainz deserve so much. so if you have the time, please go and watch their recent comeback turn it up on youtube (either on the genie channel or their official channel) that would mean a lot. if you like it, maybe vote for them on mwave too? 
> 
> Also sometimes i post like polls on my twitter to see your preferences, so maybe come onto my twitter and answer these polls if you like? thank you for having supported me for this past half a year or so, i love you all so much
> 
> > Follow me on twitter @kwaks43!


End file.
